Demon Gods
If I sweep the floor clear of charred coals
dustballs, animal dander, bread crumbs,
maybe I can keep thoughts of my son
in a crevice, crumbled like the car.
If I slice the onions in perfect rings
chop a whole pound of mushrooms--
add it to the rice I’ve soaked as he flew down the hill,
I can lock the thoughts in a crib, cornered
rattling, caged but untouched.
If I empty the washing machine of clothes
put them in the dryer, fold two loads
--a pile for her, a pile for him, fling his pant legs,
I can escape the thought of him running
up the hill, his brain swelling in his skull.
If I put on the tea kettle, pour the leftover batter
add frozen berries, cold to my touch,
I can hold in the distance
the thought of his body’s warmth
seeping out into chilled air.
I will not imagine what it would be like
to lose him, broken and hauled away
like the car. I refuse, I will not
imagine what can be, I will not court the gods.
In Sri Lanka, years before his birth,
I paid homage to the demons.
Sunlight fresh on the shore of a curved lagoon,
my hosts showed how to lay banana bark
sculptures in a shrine on a white marble floor.
Show me the shrine of the devouring gods,
what to leave--all of my best poems,
past and future, my unrestrained laughter?
What will flatter the demon gods in leading
my son on a ride through youth unscathed? |